A conversation consists of two main parts: someone talking and someone listening. When looking at communication skills, we can go deeper into each of these parts, but for this post, we’re going to focus on listening.

Listening Well

When you’re the listener in a conversation, are you aware of how you’re listening? Do you find yourself eagerly waiting to respond to what the other person is saying? Do your thoughts often drift to your to-do list or something you need to pick up from the store?

Listening well means paying attention not only to the story someone is sharing, but also to their use of language, voice, and body language. When we listen well, we reap several benefits. Listening shows respect and regard for the people you talk to. It builds a broader sense of trust and community. It opens your perspective and helps you accumulate important information that reduces misunderstandings. These additional details from listening well can improve your leadership and mentorship skills, strengthing the quality of your relationships.

Four Stages of Listening

Stage 0: No listening is going on here. Only speaking. You might be in a conversation where you try to get a word in and the other person just keeps going.

Stage 1: Subjective Listening

This is the stage that 95% of people are in. We’re taking in information subjectively and hearing it through our own experiences. In most cases, it’s based on the agenda of the listener and rarely satisfies the person who is speaking. In this stage, the listener might also hear information through a “filter” that might be completely different than what’s being said.

Stage 2: Listening but Not in the Present Moment

In this stage, we’re listening, but we’re distracted from what might have happened an hour ago or what we need to do later that day. We’re not really with the person who is talking, which can create a disconnect.

Stage 3: Objective Active Listening

This is where the listener is completely focused on the other person. This is a great stage for problem-solving because you’re looking at the facts of what is being said.

Stage 4: Intuitive Listening

This is the highest stage, where the listener is really honing into all sensory components and connecting to the real message of the conversation. The listener is paying attention to the words as well as the body language, tone of voice, energy level, etc. Intuitive listening is listening between the lines.